March 16, 2017
My Dear Mom & Dad,
I think of you up there together and whenever I hear about someone
else who has joined you it brings me a little smile to the sadness of death.
A lot has changed since we last saw each other, so, I
thought I would write you a letter to tell you about it. I started traveling to
Israel for lengthy visits in May of 2014 after I quit my job with the Obama Administration
in March of 2014. Dad, take a deep
breath. It’s much safer here than
what is reported on the news. Think of it like the reported polls for Obama in 2007 that I had to beg you not to look at. Mom, tell him not to worry please.
what is reported on the news. Think of it like the reported polls for Obama in 2007 that I had to beg you not to look at. Mom, tell him not to worry please.
After I quit, I felt I needed a break from America. I was
frustrated with the slow pace of the changes the Obama administration was
making, my general consumerism, my need to constantly be on the move and I was
completely overwhelmed with closing your estate and handling all the family
business and finances. I wanted a
simpler life and thought maybe I could find it somewhere else. Israel is a much
smaller country, and although I wish, for political reasons, the mostly closed
neighboring borders were open, them being closed makes it much easier to stay
closer to home.
My main goal in Israel was to relax and rid myself of my
anxiety. I took money out of savings and
allowed myself financial freedom. Financial freedom is a blessing, not only for
having the money to spend but also being able to prioritize what is and isn’t
important to spend money on and I thank you both for both the financial freedom
you provided me and for the set of values you instilled in me.
I planned to keep myself busy looking for an Israeli jeweler
for the jewelry business Tava and I started before you passed, Dad. The jewelry
business led me to studying the emotions around gift giving which was both
interesting and rewarding. I also dated, cooked, ran on the beach, read,
started studying Hebrew and did a lot of nothing, which was wonderful. It was the only time in my life I managed to quit
biting my nails. And for the first time in a while, I slept through the night,
woke up energized and went to sleep with a mind at ease almost every day.
I went back to the U.S. that August of 2014. In November, I returned
to Israel for a bike ride known as “The Israel Ride[JE1] .”
An annual 7-day ride from Jerusalem to Eilat, it’s a fundraiser for The Institute.
Remember, Dad? That school in the south of Israel that I attended my senior
year of college? Mom, it’s the program on the Kibbutz that brings students
together from Israel, the West Bank, Jordan, the U.S. and sometimes other parts
of the world to study the environment and the conflict in the Middle East.
I had always wanted to participate in the bike ride but it
was always during election season and I didn’t want to leave work. But since I
had quit my job, I had the opportunity. Turns out, I enjoyed up-hills, but every
time there was a big downhill I found myself on the bus. So, not for me, but it
was all worth it because I met Kfir, who I started dating the following year and
to whom I am now married.
Kfir also went to The Arava Institute but he went two years
before me so we hadn’t met before. He started the ride when he was a student
and he has been leading it ever since.
Between December 2014 and April 2015, I spent time in Boston
trying to close more loose ends of your estate. I returned to Israel in April
of 2015 and wrote Kfir a one-line e-mail. “I am here, are you?” He had been
traveling since the ride but had just returned to Israel.
He responded right away, “Good timing I also just came back. I
would like to meet you.
Where do you stay?
Do you have a local number?
My number is 0586325728.
Talk to me
Kfir”
Where do you stay?
Do you have a local number?
My number is 0586325728.
Talk to me
Kfir”
Looking back it was really good timing because he doesn’t
carry a smart phone and only sees his e-mail when he is sitting in front of his
computer which usually only happens once a day. Mom, smart phones are small
computers people carry around almost 24/7, so they can almost always be
contacted. You would love them, of course Dad didn’t like them so much and used
to take “no tech days.” Ask him about it.
And so our adventures together began.
Before we both departed Israel two months later, in early June
of 2015, Kfir for Thailand to study Thai massage and me back to America, I
found a two-bedroom apartment with parking in central Tel-Aviv with hopes that
we would live together.
When we both returned to Israel, Kfir had a couple offers to
coach Water Polo on kibbutzim outside the city. I told him I thought he should
do whatever was best for him and if we were meant to be it would work out. I
also told him I had a good feeling and wanted to marry him. He didn’t think we
would manage to stay together if we lived apart and he couldn’t imagine me
living outside the city at that point in my life, without reliable Hebrew. So,
Kfir gave up Water Polo, something that had been part of his life since he
started playing as a young child, and we moved in together.
Often in Israel I am asked, “So how did Kfir ask you out or
persuade you to date him?” And I respond by saying, “You mean, how did I
persuade Kfir?” with a smile. It makes me think of you, Mom, the way you had
Katie Cleaver make you an engagement ring made from a gift certificate from Dad
and then demanded Dad marry you or move out.
Kfir has two children: Nuri, his son, who just turned 6 on
February 25th and is my best friend here and my favorite Hebrew
teacher, and Noam, his daughter, who will be 12 in April. She reminds me a lot
of myself when I was 12, although she is a far better cook and she is even more
creative than I was. She is struggling
just as I did with reading and writing. Kfir and I spend lots of time making
sure she is getting the help she needs to succeed and it’s rewarding to be able
to help from personal experience.
Hebrew is difficult for me, but I am persistent and I see
myself progressing, albeit slowly. The kids only speak Hebrew and are incredibly
patient with my attempts to communicate with them. When Kfir traveled to
Thailand last January for a month I took Nuri on some of our regular days and we
managed by ourselves quite well. When we are out in public he proudly explains
to people that I only speak English but he will explain to me because I
understand him. And when the pizza comes out with olives instead of corn like
he asked for, or I bring him two extra bowls before figuring out he wants an
ice cube not another bowl, he just smiles at me and says, “lo nora Shira” (“Not
terrible” in Hebrew) and I respond, “It’s ok?” and he says “Yes, it’s ok”
proudly using the English he knows with this look of understanding that will
melt anyone’s heart.
Kfir and I got married last September in Vermont at the town
clerk’s office in Shaftsbury. Just Kfir
and me in sweatpants and Judy who is still the town clerk. We drove the
marriage license to Jeannie’s house so she could be our witness. I was a bit
sick and didn’t even manage to take a picture.
And although we didn’t technically get married under a tree
like I promised you, Dad, the following night when I was feeling better, we
went to your land on the cliff in Hoosick Falls and camped. We stopped at your
friends Barbara and Gary’s on the way and they graciously gave us dinner. We
then celebrated by traveling the U.S. and staying with friends and family and
camping. After six weeks of US travel we met Kfir’s kids, his parents, and his three
siblings and their 10 children in Greece for his Mother’s 70th birthday.
The family trip also fell on my 34th birthday.
The morning of my birthday Kfir told his family I was changing my family name
to his. Within hours they had prepared a wedding ceremony for us, complete with
a homemade bouquet, flower head wreath, a birthday cake turned wedding cake and
Chuppah. I highly recommend the pop up wedding if you are doing any weddings up
there.
Kfir’s parents were both born in Iraq and came to Israel
with their families when they were young children because of the anti-Semitism there.
It is a blessing to be part of such a
warm, loving and large family here.
After the family trip to Greece I flew back to the US and
Kfir flew back to Israel with his family for the 16th annual Israel
ride. We were apart on Election Day, November 8th. Hillary Clinton
was running against Donald Trump.
Mom, Donald Trump is the man that led the campaign insisting
Barack Obama (I assume Dad told you about our first African American President)
show his birth certificate proving he was born in America. He incites hate and was
recorded sexually degrading women.
I was, as it turns, out overly confident that Hillary would
win. I remember waking up on Election
Day and texting Tava that I would be late to our meeting at the bank because I
had started baking cookies to give out to people on the streets who had voted. I
had mostly removed myself from the political world since I quit Obama’s administration
in 2014, and for the first time I was excited again. We were going to elect the
first woman president.
Well, it didn’t happen. He won. We won the popular vote but
he won almost every swing state. It was and is very sad and horrible for a lot
of people, but I managed to keep myself in OK spirits until the inauguration.
Then inauguration happened and Donald Trump became the
President of the United States. I went from feeling frustrated I couldn’t do
more to make change during my time working in politics to suddenly feeling like
I had taken way too much for granted. Just the fact that we won the election in
2008 feels much more like it felt the day we won—like a miracle and progress in
and of itself.
The only good thing that has come of this tragedy is people
are awake and in the streets and resisting. The largest protest of my lifetime
took place the day after his inauguration. It was a women’s march and people
took part all over the world. I wasn’t planning on going, but seeing the clips
on social media was so uplifting. I got dressed, hopped on my bicycle and went
to the demonstration at the U.S. embassy about two miles from our house.
When I listen to Trump and his slick moves through the Bible
Belt I am not sure the resistance is enough, but I am hopeful we will figure
out a way to organize and work ourselves out of this situation in four years.
Kfir has no hope for the political world and believes the
systems are too corrupt for hope. I try to understand his perspective. I know
he worked very hard to serve in an elite unit during his mandatory army
service. He lost his best friend and in the end, feels they took three of his
most precious years from him for what amounts to nothing, at best.
Outside of me desperately wanting him to see hope for progressive
political change we mostly agree on how we want to live and what is and isn’t
important in our lives. We both believe community is the most important and are
looking for the right one to be a part of or place to create one.
Currently we live in Ajami, Jaffa, the Arab part of
Tel-Aviv. Kfir found us a beautiful house by the sea in November. I joined him
here in December. It is nice to live in a house not an apartment. We even have
a small yard and 3 chickens who bring us fresh eggs daily.
We are a minority here in Ajami, and stick out a bit but it
feels comforting to be a minority again.
A bit like growing up Jewish in a non-Jewish community in Vermont. On my
bad days, I feel like an urban settler and wonder if I am just as unwanted as
the settlers in Palestine. But on my good days I enjoy trying to learn Arabic words
at the local vegetable stand. My New Year’s resolution was to throw a
neighborhood party and invite everyone to eat together. It will take a little
organizing to get everyone to show up but I think I can do it. A friendly smile
and some warm food should do the trick. If not the first time, maybe the second
or third.
I run on the beach or workout for 45 minutes almost every
day. Kfir practices Yoga and or Pilates every day and usually runs with me twice
a week. I usually cook and bake a few hours every day. Grandma’s Hungarian
coffee cake is a big hit around here. Kfir’s mother taught me how to make Iraqi
stew called Kubbeh. We rarely go out to restaurants and when we do Kfir always
tells me he prefers my cooking–a compliment I welcome. He hasn’t starting
ordering only soup and then eating everyone else’s food like you used to Dad,
but I think he is headed in that direction.
We also prefer to camp over hotels–something that brings me
back to my summer camp days. My favorite spot is sleeping by the Dead Sea. Mom,
you would have loved it! Remember when you took me camping in Jordan? It is a
little like that. And Dad, who knows,
maybe I would have convinced you to get a little sandy in your old age.
Dad, we are both not clean enough for you but Kfir does do
the dishes every night and likes to leave the kitchen organized like you used
to. Kfir has a green thumb and a pretty good jump shot.
He works with babies in the water, and gives WATSU treatments,
a type of water massage. It is really something special, you both would have
liked it, even you, Dad, once we got you in the water. He also gives Thai massage therapy out of our
home. I bring income in from renting out the condo in Boston I bought and renovated
with friends from Bennington College just before Dad passed. My friends still
help me with it and I have a few people helping me manage it. We live simpler than my life in my 20’s and
within our means and spend most of our money on our home, the kids and travel.
I am certain you both would have adored Kfir and his two
beautiful children. I get sad when I think about how you will never meet so I
try not to think about it too much.
I have enclosed a couple photos and will tell Tava to write
also.
Love,
Shira
